Resiliency Mechanism and The Why of Chronic Pain

My boyfriend and I went to hear Andrew Solomon lecture on Human Values (and his new book “Far from the Tree“). The lecture focused on differences in human beings, especially when children are drastically different from their parents (i.e. deaf, dwarf, disabled, children from rape…). He made some excellent points about what it means to be a parent (and other stuff that, frankly, I have to think about a little more before I tackle).

But what caught my attention was another concept: The Mechanism of Resiliency and The Gift of Adversity

Why is it that some people, when faced with amazing challenges, pain, and unfair circumstances, can move forward and grow when others collapse under the weight and stop functioning? How is it that some can turn adversity into a “good” thing and give value to others through their pain?

The Answer? gratitude

I’ve discovered that finding acceptance and being grateful for my experience (that is, not judging my experience) opens me to new…well…experiences. Think about your daily commute: everyday you do the same thing, see the same things, notice the same signs. Tomorrow, purposely look to the left instead of the right. Vow to yourself that you will see one new building or those mountains in the distance with newly fallen snow (YAY! It’s November!). How do you feel? Grateful?

When you stop resisting your reality (i.e. you hurt ALL THE DAMN TIME), that energy can be better used for things like grateful acceptance and spreading love to those around you. We have only a finite amount of energy, we may as well spend it the best we can, eh?

Being grateful means more than just being “thankful.” Gratitude doesn’t label “good” or “bad.” Gratitude doesn’t hope for something different. And gratitude definitely isn’t a passive emotion.